My Story

MY STORY

Part 2: "Truth sets you free"

There were nights when I looked up into the starry sky that I knew God was there, a powerful creator of the heavens and earth, who seemed far off, behind it all, but who could see me and knew my thoughts. Nevertheless the separation was great. Could you measured it in light years, or the inches between heart and mind? What did I need to know? If only someone could make him known to me?

I pondered many questions.
What am I?
Why am I here?
Where am I going when I die?

With three months left of military service, a friend and I put in for a two week leave to tour Europe but at the last moment he backed out, so I went alone. The first day I took a train south heading towards the Austrian border I was feeling tired and nauseous due to the marijuana party the night before, so I was hoping not to be disturbed. At one of my many stops along the way three other American GIs walked in and sat in the same train compartment I was in. I was literally cornered. All three had Bibles and they were praising the Lord about this or that. It was making me nervous so I pretended to be asleep most of the time. Bravely the one next to me tried to engage a conversation with me. I responded defensively at first as a proponent of evolution which must have sounded as foolish to them as it did to me. Then he handed me his Bible and ask me to read a certain verse. I believe it was Ephesians 2:8,9; “For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.” As I read the verse, what struck me was an overwhelming conviction that this was truth. Not just this verse, but the entire Bible was true. Somehow I sensed that here in God’s word I would find meaning and purpose I longed for in my life.

My temperament was not one to ask questions, though I longed within to go with them. They had hotel reservations for the Bible conference in a different direction and I did not. Before they changed trains, I asked the young man if he had a Bible I could take with me. He gave me his pocket New Testament, much like the forgotten one the Army gave out, buried deep in my duffel bag back at the barracks.

I continued my tour taking pictures with my 35 mm and Super eight movie cameras but the glitter of this world seem as empty as my soul. I read the life of Christ starting in Matthew letting it speak to me wherever I open its pages. From it I could see two world views, this one filled with self-centeredness, emptiness and evil and a promised one filled with purity, filled with joy and goodness towards others.

The first thing to greet me when I returned back to barracks was a marijuana joint. I was afraid I was slipping back into the old peer pressure routine again. Rather than pleasure, it gave me headaches for I had much on my mind to think about.

At times I would read the scriptures, but if I heard someone coming I would hide it for fear of being ridiculed. The Word said, “Don’t hide your light under a bushel.” At times I thought maybe I could justify smoking marijuana, yet the Bible said, “Be sober minded.” I felt convicted by my disobedience. and the unwillingness or inability to change. Again there was another party, I inhaled once on the marijuana joint offered, my heart was smitten and in my mind I thought God was speaking to me, “What do you want, Me (Jesus) or marijuana? Choose because you can’t serve two Masters.” I did want the Lord Jesus more than anything and he must have given me the grace to say no to drugs thereafter. At that point I went back to my bunk, took out the Bible, and read without concern what others might say.

On Friday night when everyone else was asleep I felt compelled to slip out of bed onto my knees and prayed to the Lord to forgive me of my sinfulness and to come into my life. “Jesus, do whatever it is that you do to make me the kind of person you want me to be.” I thanked God for the peace I felt in my heart that I had not known before. I had expressed a repentant heart that night as I would do often thereafter, but confessing and being sorry for sin is not the same as possessing God's gift of eternal life through Jesus Christ by faith. Knowing Him would bring the peace and joy I longed for. What I knew of the Gospel this night was far from clear, but I did want to know God. I wanted to draw near to Him.

Sunday was Easter Sunday and I decided I was going to Chapel Service. As I walked down the hill someone from my 3rd floor barrack window yelled, “You’ll never make it,” whatever that meant. As far as I was concerned, my Red Sea had closed in behind me and I would never be going back, or through life alone.

The following Sunday two others came with me, but thereafter they drifted away. During the chapel service I was asked if I would help pass out communion. I felt so unworthy and unsure of myself that at the end of the service when the chaplain gave a gospel invitation I went forward to receive Christ. A helper tried to explain the gospel on paper with a bridge illustration but never quite finished, which left me hanging in uncertainty. Before he left with his friends for lunch, he gave me a gospel tract.

I read the tract that night (April 24, 1971). I knew I was a sinner. I knew Jesus was the Son of God who died for my sins on the cross. And I knew I wanted Him to be my Savior. Again I prayed to receive Christ. Sign here it said, if you prayed the prayer. I signed my name, I even wrote the whole prayer down on paper, thinking this guy would want his tract back. So why was I still feeling so confused? What was I expecting, some visible sign or sensation to validate that I was now a child of God? I needed to learn that there is a big difference between faith (persuasion of the facts) and our feelings (emotional ups and downs).

Continued Next Page… "A sure foundation"

There are five parts to this story:

The Best Good News I've Ever Heard